Never Leaving
by NALEY23alwaysforever
Summary: "So I'm not going anywhere. I'm not leaving her, because I know she wouldn't leave me." 3 part Linstead story, post 4x08.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So, this was originally going to be a one-shot but it's almost 30,000 words and I figured that was a bit much to read all in one go :P**

 **So this will be a 3-part story, I hope you all like it!**

"He's got the whole place rigged with explosives. He's trying to get as many cops here as he can." Erin says running up to Voight.

Voight nods before putting the phone back to his ear "All right, Carl. Let's talk about your father."

"You killed him! I know what you're gonna do! This little girl in here, this mother, all the people outside, my family. You're going to hurt every single one of them." Carl exclaims over the phone. "You're a cop, so you can hurt people!"

"No Carl, I didn't become a cop to hurt anyone. The exact opposite." Voight replies, signalling to Lindsay to get her gear ready and alert their team. "Listen to me. My father was a cop like yours. And he died in the line of duty, like yours. That can cast a big shadow, believe me, but what I've done as a cop, and as a man … is all to try to make him proud."

Erin nodded and began moving towards Jay "Get ready, I don't think Carl's backing down."

"It's not too late, just put the gun down and walk out that door. Your dad will be proud of you, Carl, think of your dad." Voight continued.

"No." Carl cried.

"Carl-"

"No! You're gonna kill all of them. I can't let you! I won't let you." Carl yells before hanging up.

Voight lets out a heavy sigh before keying into his radio "Take it."

Olinsky nods silently before lining up the red light of the long gun with Carl's chest, taking a deep breath before pulling the trigger, watching as Carl hit the floor.

"Move in." Voight said looking at the rest of their team, everyone nodding before running inside.

Jay runs through the door first, followed by Atwater, Ruzek and Lindsay. He runs to the young girl, pulling out his pocket knife and gently cutting the tape that binds her wrists to the desk leg she's bound to.

"It's okay. You're alright." Jay assures her as he scoops her up and runs outside.

Atwater does the same with the mother and takes her outside too.

"Upstairs is clear." Ruzek says heading towards the entry of the house.

Erin walks through the downstairs area, checking under the desks and ensuring that the bomb is not connected to a timer. She spies the trigger control in Carl's hand and walks towards him, taking the control from him and tucking it into her pocket. She's about to walk away when she hears a quiet ticking.

"Erin? Are you clear?" Voight asks over the radio. She ignores him, leaning back down and cautiously opening up the zipper of Carl's jacket.

Her eyes widen as the ticking becomes louder, forming into a beep. She freezes momentarily as she sees the number ticking down.

 _10, 9, 8, 7 …_

She jumps up, sprinting to the exit "We've got a bomb! Evacuate the area!"

Ruzek and Olinsky both look at each other panicked, pushing their team beyond the safety perimeter set up turning back to look at the house. Jay makes a move to run back in but Antonio holds him back, pulling him towards the safety zone.

"Jay you can't." He tells him.

 _6, 5, 4 …_

"Get off me!" He screams trying to push through, but Voight steps in and helps Antonio prevent Jay from running back in; He knows Erin would want him to be safe.

 _3, 2, 1 …_

"Everyone move! Evacuate! Get the hell –"

 _0._

Jay, Voight and Antonio all go flying as the house implodes, their feet being ripped from the ground as their bodies fly forward from the force of the explosion. Jay lets out a groan as his body lands on the asphalt, before everything goes black.

…

"Jay. Jay! Come on buddy, wake up." Jay's eyes open slowly, taking in Atwater's face hovering over him. He sits up, letting out a groan as his head pounds.

"How long was I out?" He asks.

"A few minutes. You alright?" Ruzek responds.

Jay nods, taking in his surroundings, his memory hazy. The house is no longer, pieces of tiles, cement, wood, and other materials all scattered around them. Jay tries to gather his thoughts, recounting what happened.

Carl. The kids. The bomb.

Erin.

Jay jumps up and looks around further, spotting Voight helping Antonio get up a few metres away from him.

"Voight!" He yells running to his sergeant "Where's Erin?"

Hank looks up, his eyes giving Jay the answer he couldn't verbalise. He looks towards the centre of the mess, where the bomb went off, and can see Olinsky already rummaging through the damage.

He feels his feet moving before he can register what's happening. He has to get to her. He has to find her. He's no longer worried about his or his team's safety, his main priority is her. He keeps thinking the same thought as he moves closer and closer to the wreckage; _Please don't take her from me._

"Halstead! Get back here!" He can hear Voight yelling but he doesn't listen, he just keeps moving.

"Jay, you can't be here." Olinsky says when Jay reaches him "You took quite a fall; you need to wait for the paramedics to check you out."

"I have to find her, I can't leave her." Jay says pushing past him.

"We can do it Jay, just go sit down, you don't know what kind of internal injuries you could have. We need to be careful."

"I have to find her. I'm not leaving her." He repeats while beginning to lift up various pieces of wood.

"Jay." Ruzek says softly, placing his hand on his friend's back "We're going to find her. How about you go sit down with Voight and Tony?"

"I have to find her!" Jay exclaims looking towards his friend "I'm not leaving here until I find her!"

" … Okay." Ruzek says calmly, letting Jay continue to search through the rubble as they all join him.

Five minutes later and they can hear the sirens, letting them know of the first responders and paramedics arrival.

"Al!" Matt Casey yells as he and his team join the policemen "You guys can't be here, it's not safe."

"Try telling him." Olinsky whispers tilting his head in Jay's direction.

Matt looks over at Jay, who's frantically searching under each fragment of what used to be Carl's childhood home, in the hopes of finding his partner. He lets out a heavy sigh before nodding for them to continue, turning to face his team.

"Alright, let's spread out. Groups of three, check the North, South and East sides of the house, Severide and I will help out here. Remember, Detective Lindsay is somewhere under all this rubble, so be careful. Call out if you find anything."

…

it's been almost half an hour since the explosion. Jay grows more and more restless with every minute that passes. Hank made him get checked out by the paramedics, before he could continue looking, which only pissed him off more. Now that everyone had been checked, the whole team was helping to search the rubble.

"Where the hell is she?" Jay mumbled to himself.

"We'll find her." Hank says, his voice trying to sound hopeful.

" _Lieutenant Casey, we got her."_ Jay hears Gabby's voice over the radio, and he and Voight both jump up from where they were looking, running to Gabby directly opposite from them about 50 metres away.

She's kneeling down on the ground, reporting the incident and calling in assistance for when they reach Chicago Med. Jay takes in a sharp breath when he sees Erin lying on top of what, he assumes, used to be part of the roof.

Her body is laying awkwardly on the rubble, her right cheekbone is bleeding and her eye is bruising fast. Her left arm is twisted in an irregular position and her legs are both trapped under more debris, the firefighters trying to cautiously free them from their confinement.

But what scares Jay the most is the large piece of glass sticking out of the side of her body. He kneels down next to her, ignoring the chatter and work around him, and zones in on his partner.

"Erin?" He whispers softly taking her hand in his "Come on baby, wake up. Please."

"Halstead." Voight's gruff voice breaks his focus, and he listens as the older man speaks "You've got to step back, they need to pull the debris off her legs."

"I'm not leaving her." He says it once again, because no one seems to understand it.

Gabby approaches him carefully, moving so that her face is right in front of him, so that he has no choice but to look at her.

"Jay, we know you're not leaving her. But you see all that stuff she's buried under? We need to get her out of it, and we can't do that if we're trying to work around you. This is for her safety Jay. We could do more harm than good if you don't cooperate. Please, for her sake."

He relents and stands up next to Voight, the two watching as Gabby straps a neck brace onto Erin, Sylvie stabilises the glass in the officer's side, and Severide, Casey, Cruz and Hermann all lift the chunk of cement pinning Erin's legs. Otis slowly slides the backboard under Erin's body as Mouch places both her legs in temporary braces.

"I've got a heartbeat." Gabby says relieved as she hooks Erin up to the travel monitor.

"She's secured. On my count, lift. 1, 2, 3." Sylvie commands and the team all rises in unison, lifting Erin's lifeless body with them.

"I'm coming with you." Jay says running to Erin's side.

"Halstead!" Voight yells out, and Jay turns to look at the older man "keep me updated."

Jay stops, turns and looks his boss in the eye. He knows that Voight is just as scared as he is of losing Erin, the most important person in _both_ of their lives. He nods to his Sergeant before following after Erin.

They're sitting in the ambulance and are on their way within a few minutes. Jay never lets go of Erin's hand as Gabby works on the other side of him making sure Erin stays alive.

"How's she doing?" Jay asks

Gabby sighs heavily "she's struggling to breathe on her own, but I've managed to stabilise her for now. Her cheekbone is fractured, and she has a severe break in the bone of her leg." She indicates to the bone pushing up out of Erin's skin "so far there doesn't seem to be any indicating trauma to the head, but we won't know for sure until we get to Med. The glass is lodged in her abdomen so it's hard to know what kind of damage it's done, and her ribs are quite rigid so most likely a break there too or at least some severe bruising."

"...Is she going to live?" He whispers.

Gabby her movements, reaching over to place her hand over Jay and Erin's intertwined "so far, given her injuries, she's doing better than most. But it's a lot of trauma for the body to take, it all depends on her."

"She's gonna live. She can't leave us." Jay can hear how his voice has tightened, he's trying not to shed the tears desperately trying to fall from his eyes. He has to be strong for the both of them, she knows it's what she would do if there roles were reversed.

"Er, baby. You got to come back to me okay?" He's pleading with her, trying everything in his power to convince her.

"We're here." Gabby says pushing the doors open.

Jay stands to face the doctors await no Erin's arrival and spots his brother. Will waits patiently as they take Erin out of the ambulance and began moving her inside.

"We're going to Baghdad!" Maggie exclaims following the doctor's in.

"Erin Lindsay, early 30s. She was found under debris at a house explosion. Heart rate is 110/100, she's got a cracked cheekbone, broken leg, possibly fractured ribs, along with the glass in her abdomen."

"Rapid heart rate, check her lungs." Dr Rhodes orders as Dr Choi puts his stethoscope against Erin's chest.

"Short breath sounds, I think tension pneumothorax, the glass must have nicked the lung. We need to get this thing out of her." Dr Choi exclaims.

"You need to just make sure that it's not going to do further damage to her ribs before you do." Will butts in.

"Halstead, you can't be in here." Rhodes says quickly glancing up to his colleague.

"She's my family." Will says

"That's exactly the point. You're emotionally invested Will, you can't be in here. I promise I will do everything in my power to make sure she's okay, but I can't have you analysing my every move while I do."

Will sighs, nodding his head before exiting the room and heading out to see his brother. Jay instantly runs to his brother.

"Will! How is she!?" Jay asks.

"She's got a tension pneumothorax, she's tachycardic -"

Jay cuts him off "WILL. Speak english."

"Right. Sorry." Will says "Her lung is collapsed, her heart rate is rapid. A lot faster than it should be. Her right leg is broken severely, the bone was pushing up against her skin. They're going to have to take her to surgery to fix the lung."

"... It's bad isn't it?" Jay whispers.

Will nods silently "Unfortunately, yeah. There could be more damage discovered in surgery or once she wakes up. Time will tell."

"I shouldn't have left her in there." Jay cries "I was so busy with getting those girls out of there I didn't even think about the kind of danger I was putting her in. And now … She could die because of me."

"Hey!" Will exclaims grabbing his brother by the shoulders "You listen to me, _none_ of what happened is your fault. You got those two girls to safety like you were supposed to, neither you or Erin had any idea that there was a bomb strapped to this guy."

"She could still die Will." Jay's voice cracks as he says those words.

"If there's one thing I've learned in the year of knowing her, it's that Erin Lindsay is a fighter. She has too much to lose, she's not going down without a hell of a fight."

Jay nods slowly "You're right. She's the strongest person I know."

Before either can say anything more, Dr Rhodes and Choi both emerge, rushing Erin towards the lift. Jay watches her for as long as he can before the elevator doors shut.

"Come on." Will says "I'll take you to the waiting room, it's going to be a while."

LINEBREAK

Jay wasn't sure how long her had been asleep for, but he knew he'd rather stay asleep than face reality. He'd rather stay in his subconscious where he and Erin were living their life together happily married up in Wisconsin teaching their kids how to swim in the lake bordering his cabin. He could see their whole future, a future that he may not be waking up to.

"Jay. Jay." Will's voice started to break through his sleep.

"Halstead." Voight's gruff voice came.

That made Jay jump out of his chair in an instant. He looked around for a moment, forgetting where he was and what had happened momentarily before it all came flooding back to him again.

Erin.

"How is she?" He asked Will.

"Her lung has been repaired, it took them a while since the glass did a lot of damage to the surrounding tissue. They've reset her leg and she'll be in a cast for a while but it should heal nicely, Connor did a good job. There was a crack in the zygomatic bone, but that unfortunately has to heal on it's own. The biggest concern right now is her spinal cord. There was a lot of swelling near the base of her spine, and it's going to be a few days before we know whether or not there's any long lasting damage."

"Can we see her?" Hank asks the other Halstead.

"She's being taken to her room now, you should be able to see her in about half an hour. I will warn you that she was quite heavily sedated for surgery, so it could be a few hours before she wakes up. Maybe longer, given how much her body has been through." Jay nodded quietly sitting back down in his chair.

"You should get some rest Jay. I'll call you if there's any changes." Voight says.

Jay shakes his head "I'm not leaving her."

Voight grows irritated at hearing that same sentence again "Do you not have any other words!?"

The silence between them grows, awkward tension filling the air as Hank sags into the chair next ot Jay. He knows he shouldn't snap, Jay is just as worried as he is. But he can't focus on anything other than the fact that the woman he considers his own flesh and blood, is lying in a hospital bed and he can't do anything to help her.

"I promised her I wouldn't leave." Jay suddenly whispers "We had dinner a few months ago, after she first found out about Jimmy. She told me her biggest fear was people leaving. She told me people always leave, they had her whole life, and while she was used to it happening it never hurt any less when it did."

Hank looks up at him waiting for him to continue "I promised her there and then that I would never leave her. That we were partners, both at work and in life, and I was never going to leave her. So I'm not going anywhere. I'm not leaving her, because I know she wouldn't leave me."

" … Okay then." Hank says after a few moments, both sitting in silence once more waiting to see Erin.

 **A/N: I hope you guys liked this first part! Major thanks to my friends Alex, Laura and Brinkley for motivating me to finish this, and also Ed Sheeran for his new album because that gave me such major motivation haha**

 **Please review and let me know what you think!**

 **\- Maddie :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: SO this is probably the fastest I've update in a long time! Thanks for all the reviews on the first chapter I'm so glad you all liked it! Here's part 2 ... Apologies if any medical terminology is wrong, Google isn't 100% reliable ;P**

 **Enjoy!**

Jay felt his eyes droop as the rhythmic sounds of the pulse oximeter tried to lull him to sleep. It was just past midnight and he had been let into Erin's room 30 minutes ago. Hank had left five minutes ago, mumbling something about getting coffee and food, but Jay couldn't think about food. His only thoughts were centred around Erin.

It had been almost four hours since she had first been taken into surgery, and roughly five and a half hours since the accident. Dr Rhodes had ensured Jay that Erin would wake up within five to ten hours, and it was looking to be the latter. Jay was seated by her bedside squished into the uncomfortable padded chair in Erin's room, his hand holding hers as he watched the slow rise and fall of her chest, the beeping of the heart monitor reassuring him that his girl was okay.

...

"Hey." Will smiled walking into the room "How you holding up?"

"Her status hasn't changed since you last came in. She's still breathing well on her own which is good, and hopefully she wakes up soon." Jay answers.

"That's great, but I actually asked how _you_ are." Will repeats.

"… I'm a mess." Jay sniffles "I can't cope without her Will. I don't know what I would've done if she hadn't–" He stops short, the lump in his throat forming at the thought of Erin not surviving.

"You know, talking to her might help." Will offered "I mean there's no guarantee that she can hear you, but it might help you anyways."

Jay just nods, his eyes still focused on Erin. Will sits with him in silence until Hank returns. The older Halstead stands and offers his seat to the Sargent, assuring them he'll be back to check in on all of them later, before heading back out to check on his patients.

"I know it's the last thing on your mind, but you'll have to give a statement in the next few days." Hank informs Jay as they both watch Erin.

"Uh, yeah … Once she's awake I'll get it done."

They sit in silence again until Hank's phone starts buzzing, seeing his detective's name on the screen he immediately answers "Antonio?"

 _"I'm sorry, but there's another case Crowley needs us on. She says it can't wait."_ Antonio informs him.

"Right." Hank grumbles "I'll be there in 20."

Jay moves his eyes to his boss "New case?"

"Yeah. Apparently it can't wait." Voight snipes pulling his jacket on "You good here?"

Jay nods "I'll call you if anything changes."

"Alright." Hank says leaning down to kiss Erin's forehead "I'll see you both later."

* * *

Jay sighs tiredly checking the clock. It's almost 6 am, bordering on hour eight post-surgery. Will had asked the nurses to bring up a cot so that Jay could sleep comfortably, but he hadn't moved from the chair. His eyes had barely moved from Erin's peaceful form, waiting for her to wake up.

could hear his brother's words in his head; no one was around, Voight was at work, Will was on-call, the nurses wouldn't be back for another hour. If he was going to do it, now was the perfect time.

"Hey babe. It's me Jay, but you probably already know that." He chuckled quietly leaning forward in his seat and leaning down so his arms were folded on the bed "Can I be honest with you? Because I'm kind of scared right now."

He kept watching her, waiting for a sign that she was listening, but nothing. So he continued.

"I need you to wake up Er. I can't do this without you, the world's too big and cold a place without you in it. You're my light Erin, I don't want to live without you. So please baby, just open your eyes. Tell me you love me. Tell me you're never leaving. Please."

He could see the tears fall from his eyes and hit Erin's hand, but he didn't care anymore.

"We're supposed to be enjoying our lives together Erin, arguing over your messy bathroom habits and my anal cleaning methods. You're supposed to be making fun of my house-husband skills. We're supposed to get married, and we're going to buy like five dogs because I know the idea of kids scares you, so that way you'll be more prepared for the responsibility. And then one day, you'll tell me you're pregnant. And we'll be nervous, but so happy. And we'll have more kids, and watch them all grow up to be strong, beautiful, amazing human being just like their mama."

He's crying hard now, but he's still going "We'll take them to the cabin in Wisconsin during the summer holidays, because I'll have finally convinced you to go during our honeymoon, and you'll fall in love with it just as much as I have. And we'll retire up there and grow old and grey together."

He rests his head down on the bed and holds her hand against his lips "We're supposed to have the rest of our lives together babe. I can't do it with anyone else, I don't want to."

He lays there, tears still flowing down his face, praying that she wakes up. And there in the silence is when he feels it.

A tiny little thump against his nose.

He springs up in his seat, staring at her hand. He sees it again, her fingers slightly twitching, her body fighting to wake.

"Oh my god." He looks up at her face, squeezing her hand tightly "Erin? Er, can you hear me? Come on baby wake up, please. Come back to me."

He watches are her eyelids flutter, her hand starting to firm its grip around his. Her eyes flutter; once, twice, three times. Every movement brings a flutter to his heart.

And finally she opens her eyes, and before she can register where she is or what's happening, he's wrapped her in his arms. His tears soaking the part of the hospital gown covering her shoulder, his lips pressed to her skin as he holds her tight.

She smiles softly, patting his shoulder and pointing to the jug of water sitting on the table. He springs into action, grabbing her a glass and sitting it against her lips so he can help her drink.

"How are you feeling?" He asks.

She tries to think of a response, hearing his words in her head; _'Wisconsin, kids, five dogs, house-husband.'_

She smiles, tears forming in her eyes as she struggles to say the words;

"I'm never leaving."

 **A/N: Okay, so this was super dramatic I feel and I'm not 100% sure I like it, but I kept playing with it and it just made it worse so I'm sticking with the original plan. I hope you guys like it!**

 **Please leave me a review and let me know what you thought!**

 **Special shoutout to Caterina who kept tweeting at me and motivating me to update asap, thanks dude x**

 **Hope you're all having a wonderful weekend!**

 **Maddie :)**


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